Bob Blobfish

Bob Blobfish has got a problem.
With a specific gravity near that
of water, he usually doesn’t have
to do much to cruise for dinner:
just drop the hinge of his lower jaw
and hoover up whatever organic
matter he can for breakfast, lunch,
and dinner. He’s a deep sea fish.

Topside’s a different fish story.
He looks like Edward G. Robinson
minus the stogie, a bald old fogie
with blubbery lips, a droopy schnoz –
nothing you wanna slap on yer dinner dish.
His whole gelatinous body collapses
on itself. Why not throw it overboard?
Topside, he’s gonna melt like a popsicle!

His favourite food is free floating
crustaceans – shrimp mostly.
One good fart would probably propel
this fish straight through his dinner.
It has been that way for thousands of years,
two to four thousand feet down. Gelatinous
so his body can stand the pressure.
Topside, 120 times less pressure.

You guessed ‘er Chester: Bob’s a blowfish
with no spine – maybe a blowhard –
flabbed out as a flaccid blobfish.
Makes Jabba the Hut look like – I dunno –
Richard Simons in silky short shorts.
Sporty. Maybe only double-chinned,
not so toady anyway. Bob Blobfish –
One of a diminishing few in the directory.

Recently voted the ugliest creature
on planet earth! The proboscis monkey
and shoebill didn’t even make a showing.
But what kinda accomplishment
Is being ugly? I would have thought
it wasn’t anything any self-respecting fish
could control. Not like the inquiring minds
of fishermen who would drag him up for Show and Tell.


Richard Stevenson
Richard Stevenson has recently retired from a thirty-year teaching gig at Lethbridge College and has published thirty books and a CD of jazz and poetry in that time. His most recent books are Rock, Scissors, Paper: The Clifford Olson Murders, a long poem sequence from Dreaming Big Publications in the US (2016), and A Gaggle of Geese, haikai poems and sequences from Alba Publications in the UK (2017). Action Dachshund! is forthcoming from Ekstasis Editions in Canada.