Charlie was startled by a PING and a message that
suddenly flashed on his computer. The large red letters said: “I
love you. I want you. I need you. Do you feel the same?”
Electricity surged through lonely, middle-aged, plain-looking Charlie’s heart. He quickly typed: “Yes.”
“Can we meet?” the next message said.
Charlie entered: “Yes.”
“Go to your roof, strip naked, lay down with arms outstretched, and wait for me.”
“OK,” Charlie typed. Then he added, “How will I recognize you?”
“I know what you look like.”
“But it’s dark out,” he typed. “Suppose you don’t find me.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll find you. Hurry. I ache for your love.”
The word “we’ll” set off a vague warning in Charlie’s head. But raging lust caused him to ignore it.
Grabbing a ladder, he scrambled onto the roof. Though he felt
chilly, he quickly stripped, lay on the shingles, and stretched his arms
outward.
A few minutes passed. Nothing happened.
“Where are you?” he muttered to the night sky.
All was quiet, as the full moon lit Charlie’s pale skin.
The next-door neighbor’s car pulled in the driveway. The neighbor
left the car and walked toward his front door. Looking upward, he
noticed something on Charlie’s roof. Drawing closer, he called, “Hey,
Charlie? Is that you?”
“Yeah,”
“What the hell you doing on your roof without clothes?
“Waiting for somebody.”
“They ain’t coming,” the neighbor said.
“How do you know?”
“Because the same thing happened to me last night. I waited on the roof until well past midnight. Nobody showed up.”
Surprised, Charlie said, “C’mon Frank. You gotta be kidding. I
can’t see you climbing the roof and laying there naked waiting for
something to happen.”
“Well, I did. Had a fight with Clara. She went to bed, and I got
on the computer to check my email. Got a message telling me to get on
the roof and lay there naked. So I did.”
“What else did your message say?” Charlie asked.
“I love you, I want you, I need you.”
“In red letters?”
“No. They were brown,” Frank said.
“Well, it’s musta been somebody else,” Charlie said. “No wonder
nobody showed up. Who sends brown-colored messages talking about
love, need and want? Brown is a such a nothing color. My message was
in hot, passionate red.”
“Guess you’re right,” Frank said. “I laid up there for almost three hours. Nothing happened. How long you been waiting?”
“About twenty minutes.”
“Well, maybe you’ll have better luck than me. Hey, I’m beat. I’m going inside. Hope everything works out.”
“Thanks, Frank. Have a good night.”
“You too. Oh…what if you’re not here tomorrow? I mean what if you
get lucky and end up getting loved, wanted, and needed and don’t come
back. Do you want me to have your utilities turned off?”
“Yeah. I’d appreciate that.”
“Will do,” Frank said. “Good night.”
Charlie waited. And waited. Then he fell asleep.
A large spacecraft swooped down and bathed his house in green
light. A hatch opened, and several tentacles moved toward the roof.
Enveloping Charlie without waking him, they gently drew him inside the
craft.
The next morning, when Frank went outside, he saw that Charlie was
no longer on the roof. He knocked on Charlie’s door, but nobody
answered. Picking the lock, Frank went inside the house and checked all
the rooms. Charlie was nowhere to be found.
Frank removed Charlie’s computer and installed it in his den. Then
as Charlie had asked, he called the gas and electric company, the
water and garbage folks, satellite and phone companies.
That night, after an argument with his wife, Frank surfed the
Internet. While reading a news site, he heard a PING and saw words
flash on his screen. They were the same as those he’d seen the other
night: “I love you, I want you, I need you.” This time, they
appeared in bright red.
Frank typed: “Come and get me.” Then he climbed the roof, striped, and lay down with outstretched arms.
When Frank fell asleep, a spacecraft approached and bathed him in
green light. Tentacles reached for Frank and gently transported him
into the craft.
Some of the men in the neighborhood woke and saw Frank’s removal.
The next day, they whispered among themselves about what they’d
witnessed.
That night, ten, middle-aged, henpecked men repeated what Frank did,
though they hadn’t received any computer messages urging them to do
so.
No spacecraft ever came.
Psychologists are still pondering why ten naked men would lay on their roofs at night with arms outstretched, as if begging.
