You make lots of notes. You scribble them down reminders of things you have to do. It was always was like this you have no memory no good memory you forget things easily. So you just scribble down on a memo the things you need to remind yourself. Even this too a memo so you won’t forget that you are trying to tell someone all this should Genie leave and you’ll have no one and if someone new came along how on earth would you explain yourself?
They are on scraps of paper. All over the house. You forget where you put them and then they just turn up bits and pieces torn pages scraps to remind you.
Go to the store and get butter. You are out of butter.
You write them anywhere. Sometimes even sitting on the toilet shitting. You don’t have to remind yourself to shit you’re not so bad as all that though Genie has told you of some that are. And you only sit down to shit you’re not such a lazy man that you can’t stand and piss. But when you’re sitting sometimes you get ideas for things you might want to jot down. And also in the shower you get ideas there too or you get an impulse to jot down what you need to remember but you can’t very well write in the shower the paper would turn to mush and wash away. Genie let you have one of those kid eraser type boards where you can write with a funny grey pencil type thing and drag the eraser across the shiny surface and it vanishes. But you grew angry with her then. Why on earth would you want the notes to vanish you need them to stay? That is the point of your notes. What was that thing called etchy, etch-a-? You can’t remember. She got you a blackboard too but again no use you need the stuff to remain so you use pens ink that can’t be erased.
Genie comes and cleans the place. She’s from the authorities. She comes a few days a week. Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Or is it Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday? She has a lot of patience. Or do you mean patients? You can’t find your dictionary. And you were looking for the encyclopaedias and you don’t know where you put them maybe Genie put them somewhere tidying up.
Don’t tell Genie about the dog you found on the way back from the store. Keep it hidden. Keep it outside in the yard or in the cupboard in the kitchen if it barks you don’t know what you’ll do she always finds you out anyway.
You went to the store yesterday. Mr. Peterson gave you a strange look but he always does.
The notes can be found everywhere. And they are always different colours. Sometimes yellow paper sometimes a light green but most often white. Most people prefer to write on white paper you imagine. It’s clearer that way. The memo pads are all different sizes. Some are small and some are big notepads too and you’ve sketch books you’ll write on anything!
Your dictionary is in your top drawer if you need it.
The program about car maintenance starts at 5 and not 6. You made that mistake last week.
Find out where the word sandwich came from check the encyclopaedia if you can find one. Genie told you before about some Earl but you can’t remember the details.
Genie is upset with you. Maybe it is because of the dog. You must have forgotten to feed the dog. Or maybe you stood in the bedpan again and put the piss everywhere. I told her I don’t need a fucking bedpan. She said Mr. Peterson is a good generous man but you don’t like the way he looks at you.
Go to the store and get milk and don’t forget the bread this time.
Genie asked me why I am always in a hurry and I say that I have to get the notes done fast because I’ll forget everything so quick even as I write them the next word coming I might even forget it.
The program about car maintenance and handyman stuff starts at 5 and not 6 you made that mistake last week.
You got angry with Genie. You accused her of writing notes to fool you to tell you to change out of the pyjamas every once in a while but you always remember to take off the pyjamas when going to the store. You were sure that the handwriting was different but she was adamant that the handwriting was yours. You made a deep study of all the notes you found lying about and the hand did look different varied from paper to paper some nicely printed others scrawled like the work of a madman. But you never saw Genie write anything so you shouldn’t have been so tough on her. Don’t be tough on Genie anymore. You probably wrote all the notes yourself she’s innocent. She’s there to help you.
Avoid Peterson’s store you bought matches and the look he gave you as if you were intent on burning the place down. Don’t burn Peterson’s shop down even though the urge is strong.
Genie brings the injections and the pills and everything. She tells you to write down exactly which ones you should take and at what time. But the notes get buried under the other ones you’ve already written and you end up losing them. You tell her to write it down and to pin it to the wall and then she laughs at you and says that you will only accuse her of writing fake notes and confusing you.
You are confused now. You don’t know who is fooling who.
Remember it’s Jeanie. Maybe Jeanie is in league with Peterson. Maybe she tells Mama all about you and the things you’ve done.
Don’t go to Peterson’s store. He’s a
deranged motherfucker those eyes on him and his wife is not much better
go to Harry’s store instead. Harry doesn’t give a shit who shops there
and even says hello.
Find out where the expression end of my rope comes from you’re not sure you know what it means or wits end.
Go to Harry’s and get bread to make sandwiches and get dog food for the dog he’s looking hungry again and Genie is afraid of him.
Ask Genie if the dog is a boy or a girl.
Where are the encyclopaedias you’ve only got A through to M where are the rest? Did Mama ever finish the set?
The urge is never strong regarding Genie. You don’t want to bury her.
Sometimes you sleep ok and sometimes you have reams of dreams and then you wake up and have to write them down. They get mixed up with all the notes maybe that’s why Peterson was getting weird on you maybe you were asking for dream things and episodes and not milk and mayonnaise and stuff to make sandwiches. Peterson said recently that you should have stayed locked up and shouldn’t be allowed out and that Genie is a saint. You think Genie is a saint too and for God’s sake go to Harry’s you’ll have less trouble there and he has better bread and he says hello goodbye and thank you.
They are on scraps of paper. All over the house. You forget where you put them and then they just turn up bits and pieces torn pages scraps to remind you. Sometimes you end up reading the same notes twice or even three or four times.
The dog is looking sick and tired. Genie is too but she continues. She is coming tomorrow you think if tomorrow is Thursday. Tell her to get you a calendar. The radio used to keep you up to date on the days and the hours but the radio is not working too well at the moment. Just static is all you get from it white noise maybe that’s what’s been giving you the headaches you’re not a baby in Mama’s belly you don’t need white noise like the womb to keep you calm and kill the urges.
You should write all this down properly and take care with the periods and commas if Genie leaves you will have no one to what if someone new comes how then will you explain yourself?
Genie said that’s not how you spell my name on the notes the way you have it is like the genie that comes out of a bottle in the fairytales it’s Jeanie. You said which fairytales and she said Aladdin and you said you didn’t know that one. And she said she couldn’t believe it that Mama never told you that one. You said Mama didn’t tell you lots of things.
Genie said to turn the dial there’s nothing wrong with the radio it just wasn’t on any station not at the right frequency so picking nothing up. You miss the static now.
The dog has a terrific appetite for a small dog. He eats more than you. Even eats your sandwiches. Genie heard him straight off in the cupboard said it was cruel he’d have no oxygen. You must get more bread and ham. Go to Harry’s. Give Peterson the finger as you pass he’s sure to see you pass the window. But if the wife is there don’t give her the finger she’s not as bad.
Write to your mother. She hasn’t visited in a while. Maybe she’d like a letter. Mama. Maybe she’d like a puppy too if the dog has puppies you’ll get Genie to send her one. She’s not so old that she can’t look after things.
You had an argument with Jeanie about your age. You had it written down that you were twenty-five but she says you are twenty-six. That note was from last year she said. You don’t remember when you wrote the note and asked if her that was in fact two years ago and that you are now twenty-seven and she said no that she has been keeping track it’s her job. Her eyes are puffy and maybe she doesn’t sleep much either.
The dog died and you asked Genie if you should bury it. Genie comes everyday now and she tells you she needs a holiday and that she can hardly take it anymore. You tell her you don’t know what to say because you don’t. And that you should not bury the dog she said. You can’t simply go around burying things the authorities will come and pick it up and dispose of it. You said that you always buried things. And she said that’s what got you into trouble in the first place burying things and then not knowing where you put them and the authorities getting upset with you and locking you up. Well ok you said you won’t bury the dog. Though you were sad and thought you could have had a special ceremony. You can’t remember the dog’s name or if you had even given it one. Maybe you wrote it down somewhere.
What was the dog’s name? Ask Genie.
Check Aladdin in the encyclopaedia you have A through to M so that’s no problem. The urge was strong with Mama.
Genie said that you had changed the dog’s name so often that she wasn’t sure herself what the dog’s name was. She’s at the end of her rope she said her wits end. You never forget Genie’s name. Jeanie you mean. Or your own. Jeremy. Your name is Jeremy. You are twenty-six years old.