crystallized eyes gaze upon a large expanse of white light...white noise...colors, sounds, senses all deteriorated and merged into one...fingernails...stale smoke ...the faint hum of electricity in the room

i lay confused..lick my cracked dry lips and i take another drag... its day light outside...hard to tell... the light through the slits of the blinds hurts my eyes so i'd rather keep them closed...or i'd rather stare at the wall and make animals out of the shadows of my cluttered room...it's always night if i want it to be...

i forget he's there...its like he's always watching...waiting for his cue to proclaim his existence...only when i want him to...i can't pretend he's not there for too long or i'll miss him all together...

i think i'll draw a bath...i'm starting to feel a little sticky...